Classic Kid's TV Shows Clearly Conceived on Bad Acid Armani0
Don't get us wrong, we're pleased when the neighborhood exhibitionist takes a unhealthy interest in vulnerable children. The scary part is when the animated picture of the red track suited man magically bursts into a nude man who utilizes an inappropriate wide legged stance.And we wonder why we have an obesity epidemic? Slim Goodbody utilizes his lumpy flesh covered unitard to teach all the terrified children of the world why they should eat as much as possible, Armani Booties in order to cover the monstrosities which lurk beneath their skin.Pay close attention to the part where the animated Goodbody goes through the trouble of turning around to show his half muscularly buttocked backside. We contend this visual assault subconsciously prompted millions of children to eat uncontrollably, as they never, ever wanted to be as healthy as Slim Goodbody. Never. Ever. The sea monster dad tells Sigmund to "go out and scare some humans, or you're through!"No doubt traumatized by his parents' death threat, Sigmund makes a pathetic attempt at scaring some unsupervised children. The children mercilessly taunt Sigmund, laughing as his limp little tentacles attempt to catch a ball they callously fling at his googly eyes. Watch them mock as they force the little blob to hula hoop. He has no torso, you dicks.
The decade of the Seventies owes the universe a serious apology. In this instance, it's for defying the laws of nature and presenting the many, many Osmond boys as cartoony Jonas Brothers type sex symbols. Which is ridiculous as soon as you take a look at the size of their ginormous heads or the way they sadly flail their arms and legs around in what has to be the worst animated dancing ever created.Maybe the most shocking thing about this program, however, Classic Kid's TV Shows Clearly Conceived on Bad Acid Armani was not the audacity of presenting the Osmonds as sex symbols, it was the reality that the Osmonds were sex symbols. Seriously. These guys had your mamas having all kinds of wicked, dirty thoughts back in the day:We'll pause for a second so you can go wash that little bit of vomit off your teeth.Not only were the Osmond boys major sex symbols in what will forthwith be known as "The Most Retarded Decade of the Twentieth Century" ("TMRDTC" for short) but they rubbed our noses in it by showing the toothy seven on their knees trying to woo all the women of the world while they fly around in their psychedelic airplane.
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